DO NOT TRAVEL ABROAD: IT'S UN-AMERICAN AND THE WORST

Goodbye, bridge in Florence!
This is how traveling makes you feel.

Dear readers,

I have seen a pernicious rumor going around the internet lately.

There are people suggesting that "going to foreign countries" is "good" or "broadens your mind" or even qualifies as "fun".

Unfortunately, this is not true. I know young, impressionable Americans have the best of intentions, but really, it's un-American to imply that any country has things that America doesn't.

AMERICA HAS EVERYTHING AND THERE IS NO REASON ANYONE SHOULD EVER NEED TO GO ANYWHERE ELSE. EVER.

Unique? Come on!
Where don't you see these in America?

I was duped into going to several foreign locations last summer, and I am surprised I made it out alive.

As a female traveling alone, it's a miracle that I was not KIDNAPPED IN THE FIRST 30 minutes of walking around in a foreign country, and sold into an Eastern European brothel in some scary place like Budapest.

Budapest: literally contains nothing but illegal brothels
 full of kidnapped American travelers.

I didn't see one bit of hospitality from anyone at any point. Nor did I meet a single person who made me laugh or smile the entire time I was in those horrible places. ALL FOREIGNERS HATE ALL AMERICANS, AND YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE BITCHSLAPPED BY STRANGERS ON THE STREET.

Contains un-American script.

Some countries DO NOT EVEN HAVE ENGLISH AS THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE. *A few* and I do mean a very few people had a marginal understanding of English. But really there was no way for me to make myself understood or to get around in any of these un-American places. I nearly starved.

No English here either.

Please believe me, it's not worth going anywhere outside of the US.

THE USA HAS EVERYTHING EVER, AND THERE IS NOTHING WORTH SEEING IN ANY OF THE LESSER COUNTRIES.

Some places in Europe have some things that are attempting to be "new" or "different" but really look like every American street corner.

Yawn. We have ten in my town.

Others will tell you that the history of foreign countries goes back farther than American history. This is patently false. God created the universe in the seven days it took Thomas Jefferson to draft the Declaration of Independence. SO PLEASE DO NOT BELIEVE THINGS THAT FOREIGN COUNTRIES SAY ARE HISTORICAL. 

Only falling apart due to poor construction.

So please don't travel. YOU WILL BE KIDNAPPED AND MURDERED IF YOU TRY. And there's nothing worth seeing either. America has everything of value.

Stay safe, stay AMERICAN.

Happy April,
Folks.