Amsterdam: Things to do include Anything.

Covering up the typo sign that reads Hamsterdam.

If you talk to people who have visited Amsterdam, they'll all tell you the same thing: AMSTERDAM WAS THE BEST I LOVED IT YOU SHOULD GO THERE! I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER WHY OR ANYTHING THAT I DID BUT IT WAS THE BESSSSTTTT. 

And that is the secret of Amsterdam: it's got the reputation as the Vice City capital of Europe for a reason, and your options are limitless! Everything is legal! Except violence/murder/other-things-that-are-not-legal, so don't get it confused with GTA: Vice City, and stay cool. Remember, the locals have to deal with at least one spacecaked-shroomed-out-drunk tourist screaming and running naked through the red light district every day, so don't be that guy.

Anyway, within the parameters of anything, you can probably find something to like in Amsterdam.

Like Art? Do yourself a favor and go see the Van Gogh museum. You'll see lots of pretty colors, and looking at his take on scale and perspective, you may even feel better about yourself as an artist!

Like History? See the highly minimalist Anne Frank House! It's guaranteed to cheer you up about as much as a concentration camp!

Like old buildings? Walk around! 

Pro tip: watch out for bikes. They don't break for tourists.

You , too, can go Tourist watching!

Like really skinny buildings? Well, someone does.

One of the many thinnest buildings in Europe. Rationale? Tax loophole.

Like making fun of monuments that are compensating for something?

Meeting place for the walking tour.

Speaking of compensating, you can visit a condomerie, and buy your friends a bewildering array of bad-idea protection!

Insert joke here.

Like cheese? Go to the Cheese museum, or better yet, just eat a lot of free samples upstairs and skip the museum!

This museum isn't cutting it.

Like pimped out rides? This one shouldn't be hard to find.

You wish your car had rims like that.

Like sitting around and relaxing? Amsterdam has many very chill parks. Sitting and taking in the nature on nice sunny days comes highly recommended. 

I hear ducks can be really interesting.

Like boats? Take a canal tour.

Canals: less confusing to navigate around than Venice.

Like Red Light Districts? You can walk around and see the ladies displaying their wares in windows, but while it is legal and regulated except for problematic problematic human trafficking problematic.

Seven things to do in Glasgow

Things to do in Glasgow!

1. Find beautiful night photography!

I would like to tell you I remember what this building is.

Cathedral, from the only angle without
all the scaffolding ever.

2. Put traffic cones on top of statues!

Kidding. The Modern Art Gallery beat you to it.

3. Go to the Botanical Gardens!

Just don't throw stones.

Don't throw stone statues either.

It's like being inside a tropical UFO.

4. Take a trip through time and space!

Whooville.

5. Take more pictures of that Cathedral.

You don't have to look so grave.

The Cathedral building is hollow on the inside.
You can walk in, if you want to.

It also contains a flag from the time when a gator ruled England.

6. Find Victorians in a vintage festival!

I am half convinced they came from the Tardis.

Clearly, not steampunk enough.

7. Learn to Thistle.

Teach me how to thistle,
teach
teach me how to thistle!

Pembroke: All the Stairs. Tenby: more like 10-Sea.

Despite the good Doctor, it doesn't take too long to run out of things to do in Cardiff. Sure, you can sit around the glorious sun filled bay and drink cider. But when in Wales, consider taking the time to see some nature. Sea-cliffs come highly recommended.

I wandered around for a couple days. Heard there were some castles in the country. I decided to go to Pembroke Castle.

This was no simple voyage. A three point five hour train ride that turned into a three hour train ride plus an hour of bus and waiting for the bus. See, we were most of the way there when one of the train cabins started filling with smoke and the train just kind of stopped. But they fixed it enough to get us to the next station and dump us unceremoniously onto the pavement! It's cool, they sent a bus. Seven sunburns later, the bus arrived, and I finally reached the land of Pembroke.

Medieval-era learning tent outside.

It was a strikingly well preserved medieval castle, with all the charm of bare stone castles. Plus displays inside with mannequin/sculptures acting out historical scenes. I couldn't decide if it was cheesy or creepy. Maybe just cheapy. But it DID have a tall tower with a very high ceiling. I think there used to be intermediate floors. The obvious upshot: THE TOWER INSIDE LOOKS LIKE AN ARTISTIC ROBOT EYE.

Do castle towers dream of Welsh sheep?

So Pembroke was nice, but it didn't have sea cliffs.

Note the distinct lack of sea cliffs.

So I took the advice of the nice people I had been train-stranded with, and took the first train to Tenby, which was back towards Cardiff. (Yes, this was a psychotically planned daytrip).

Lo and behold, though I could have sworn I smelled smoke, the train transported me safely to Tenby!

Rocky ain't got nothin on this.

In case you aren't well versed in Welsh beach hotspots, Tenby is a picturesque beach community with cute shops and a medieval wall jutting out of the cliffs. It even has sand!

Sand > Brighton's pebbles

It was a beautiful day. I'm talking sunshine and lollipops nice. I was all ready to buy a summer house there when people started warning me that the weather was not, in fact, typical.

Condemned monastery (too easy). 

Nice is not the typical weather? Suddenly it made a lot more sense that the whole place had a weird sort of Florida retiree vibe. And by vibe, I mean, I passed a couple stores that were advertising walkers, and some places that used Bingo as a selling point.

They also had some mini-sea-cliffs.

Hard to traverse with a walker.

It was pretty. And windy. 

Not pictured; the 75,000 snails that live there.

On the whole it was a disappointing day. I went to all the trouble of coming to wales, and I didn't see a single whale.

Much like the rest of my trip, I saw some seagulls:

Unlike the gulls of Bath, this bird is at least thinking about eating sea creatures.