Lions and Tigers and Zombies, oh My!

Not too long ago I read an Amanda Hocking book, and found myself suitably entertained.  Check out the blog post title. Yeah. It was kind of like that.

In case you missed it, I reviewed it over at The Canary Review.

In Hollowland by Amanda Hocking, hardcore teenager chic Remy travels with a Canadian, a rock-star, and a fashionista teenybopper through a post-apocalyptic, zombie-ravaged landscape on a quest to find the military quarantine holding her brother. Romantic subplots are plentiful, but for a post-apocalyptic tale of horror and adventure, there aren’t enough zombies to fertilize a garden. The true monsters the companions encounter are their fellow man (in the form of polygamous cults, armies of psychopaths, and military law). But while these subplots are tense and suspenseful, it was a downer that the slow-moving zombies never made me fear for the character’s lives or health. In part, this was because they had a lion in their car.

Wait, what? Is that a typo?

Nope. It’s a lion. Lioness, to be precise.

Read the full article

On fairy tales

Godmother told Cindy to show up in a pumpkin.
Or did she get the schedule mixed up?

Recently I've been working on re-imagining a fairytale. I hear this genre/trend/mental exercise is hot lately, though sometimes the weakest point of a good story. (Unfortunately I haven't kept up with any of the new fairytale television cutesies. I saw the first episode of Grim, and my brain threw up.)

To be fair, anything that calls itself Grim has a lot to live up to. I grew up listening to the real Grimm tales, and they were really damn grim. As I recall, Cinderella's step mother ended up dancing on red hot iron shoes. It was great. I think it formed me into the cheery person I am today.

But I don't know that I am completely behind the Brothers Grimm interpretations either. The young girls still seemed too innocent. 

The way I see it, there's no reason to lock a girl up in an impenetrable tower to keep her isolated. Not unless she's done something to require this maximum security dragon-guarded prison. And signs do point to criminal behavior. Clearly, Goldilocks could be convicted of breaking and entering. Snow White seemed to have some slave driving mining operation going on. And Rapunzel? She carries a garrote with her everywhere. Don't get me started on Cinderella. 

The powers that be put princesses in towers not as a cruelty, but to try to stem the tide of destruction. But then the much put-upon girls lean their pretty little heads on their hands and sigh out the windows until a prince rides up. One look and the prince can't keep his sword in his pants.

Just one look, and that maximum security prison crumbles. He sweeps her off her feet so her pretty little shoes won't get dragon's blood on them. The poor prince is smitten. He wants to keep her safe. But can he keep his land safe from her? 

An historic lack of updates?

Dear Internet,

You know, a lack of updates is a good thing. It means I'm doing something more interesting with my life than staring at my computer.

Oh wait, all I've been doing is staring at my computer.

No, don't get excited. I don't mean fiction. I've been proofreading (despite the raging success of Henchman, I got tired of being a starving artist) the letters of the founding fathers. It's, like, historical. Too bad I'm not writing historical fiction. I'm getting a good sense of early America. All anyone cared about back then was who got a Brevet. (Pretty much an honor/pay bump/temporary booster rank).

And believe you me that some noteworthy presidents have really awful cursive. Also, I have found, however, that six commas to a sentence is not uncommon.

What I'm trying to tell you is that I'll get more free time in about a month. I'll get time to photo/scan in pictures, to enter more stories in contests, and release a sequel, at the very least.

honorably and respectfully,
Yr. obed. sert.

ZZ.